I think about many things as I look out my office/studio window. Lately, I have been thinking about relationships and how complex we make them. Relationships can be very simple when we simply allow them to be what they are without any expectations put upon them.
I think of the relationships I had with my parents. That is a unique relationship. I was discussing this very thing with a friend just last week. I did not receive unconditional love from my parents. I thought I did, therefore what I thought at the time was unconditional, was conditional to a certain extent. Because that was the model I had, it is how I operated as I grew and began loving others. My friend received unconditional love from his mother, and that is all he knows; therefore, that is all he can give. Whether it is friends or family, he puts not conditions and restrictions on the way he views others. I learn a lot from him as I allow myself the comfort of his friendship.
I think of my relationship with my children. By the time I had children, I had begun to realize that if I were to give them unconditional love, it would need to be different than what I was raised with, and it was. While I remember telling my daughter once that I might not like what she did, there would never be anything she could do that would keep me from loving her. I meant that statement then, and I would still stand by it.
As I reflected on my relationship with my parents and my children, I began thinking about the relationships I have and have had, with friends. I think of those who have been longtime friends as well as those of short-term. The length of time is unimportant when it comes to the place they hold in your heart. There are those friendships that endure long absences then pick up right where they left off. Those are wonderful, comfortable relationships and I think those are the kind that is considered to be your “tribe” or your “soul family.” They endure.
Then I begin to think about the relationships that enter the “falling in love,” status. Those two are as varied as the individual. I read once that if you have a friend, then become intimate, they can maintain the friendship after the intimacy is gone, you have found the love of your life, and it will never leave you. As I reflect on the relationships of that kind in my life, I think it pretty well holds true. But for that to be true, it must be based on the relationship as friends first, a pledge for that to be the ultimate treasure, and freedom of communication.
What it all boils down to in any relationship is that there needs to be a true caring of the value of the other person in our life. People fall in and out of love, but when there is a deep caring, you will find room in your heart for those who are meant to be there. This is why when we lose someone, we seem to have a hole in our heart that no one will ever be able to fill. They won’t. Each and every person, regardless of the place they hold in your heart, can never be taken by anyone else. Those spaces are as unique as are the people who fill them.
Life is not a competition for the love of those near us. We hold unique places in the hearts of those we call family, friends, and lovers. That spot in your heart is there for them and only them. The good news is that there are places being reserved in your heart that you are unaware of until you meet the person who is meant to fill that particular spot. Then that happens, it is wonderful. So, enjoy that love. Treasure it and don’t ruin it with expectations.... Simply enjoy!
Something To Ponder