I would never have known this as an outsider, looking at it. This is the way it is with many relationships. We see what we reflect of our own ideas of what a “marriage” is like. I know in one case close to me that a marriage was over after about 10 years, the couple decided to have a child and the marriage lasted another 30 years with both people being unfulfilled in life until one finally said.... “Enough, I am better than this... my life is more valuable, and I deserve to live in a state of happiness.” So, upon the eve of their 40th-anniversary divorce was filed.
Now, it is not up to a relationship or another person to make you happy. Let me be clear about that. We are responsible for our own happiness in life. This is what it took my relative 40 years to find out. Then she did something about it. My other friend is still thinking in terms of society, what people will think, how will the children be affected, etc. These are responsible thoughts by concerned parents in both cases, but as I found out after my marriage ended, children are resilient. They sense when things are not good between their parents whether they live in the same house or not.
I thought about both of these examples as I remembered some relationships I have had in the past. They were good because of where they led me. I thought it was the relationship that had the value. It wasn’t. It was what I learned about myself that was good. I am in a relationship right now that some people don’t even realize exists, and that is okay. I know it exists. It is perfect for both of us. It allows us to love without condition, and that is what we all think we are going into in many cases.
We have the time during our youth that we meet “the one” only to find out 8 or 10 or 20 -- or even 40 -- years later that they were not intended to be a forever love. So, what do we do? This is where we get to stumbling over our own feet. This is why contrast was created. We know what we want, and we achieve it. But at some point, it often shows us what we don’t want. This is true whether it is a career or a marriage. We equate marriage and love which are two different things. When a marriage does not work, it does not mean the end of love. It simply means the end of a marriage that doesn’t work. Instead, we weave these stories into the mix that make it difficult to simply walk away from the marriage.
This does not mean you walk away from the responsibilities that have been created. Those are usually additional blessings and another opportunity for love and growth. When one person is not happy in a relationship, you can take it to the bank that neither person is happy. So what is the answer? Each and every person has to look deeply inside themselves for this answer.
I was devastated when my marriage ended. I had a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old and I wondered how I would manage on my own to raise them. I did it one day at a time, one step at a time, and now about 35 years later, I can say that the marriage and the divorce got me to where I am today. Not all marriages end as mine did. Some people recognize that the marriage and the love died years ago all that is left is the burial. To those people, I would say, “Celebrate the beauty that was there and know that the time is ripe to walk into the rest of your life with a greater understanding of what you want and where you are going. All will work out superbly.”
Marriages aren’t the only relationships that need to be turned from. Sometimes even familial drama has to be turned out and away from your energy. Any relationship that is not nurturing your soul will be a drain. You will be like the salmon struggling to get back upstream. It is taxing on all of your systems, and it is so very unnecessary. Business partnerships often cause some of the most intense negative feelings until you can simply cash in your chips and simply walk away and let it go.
Having said all of this, it is not easy. The good news is that is rarely as difficult as we think it is going to be. We have the ability to readjust our compass and find that path that will allow for a greater fulfillment, and that is what our prime objective is in this life. Just let your heart tell you what you need to do than follow your instincts. If you feel that leaving any situation is what you really need to do, you will find that when you do, everyone in whatever relationship will flourish much more.
Something To Ponder